guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
