Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
