I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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