I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
