I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
