I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
