i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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