I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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