I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
