if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
