Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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