Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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