Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
