ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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