Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
