K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
