did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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