Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
