okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize