ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
