I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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