I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
