Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
