i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
