The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
