Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
