I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
