The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Green mimosas i think yes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
