can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
