I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
