In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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