that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize