whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
