All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
