When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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