now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
