$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
