I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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