What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
