i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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