in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
