Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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