I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
