I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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