he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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