Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
