You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
bring money and cleavage
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
