i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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