i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
