Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
