My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
