So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
