does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize