ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
