i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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