Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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