So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
