so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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