Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
