I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
