worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
